•BISEXUALITY IS NOT A PHASE
•FEMINISM IS NOT ABOUT BEING BETTER THAN MEN
•RAPE IS NOT ENJOYABLE
•SEXUALITY IS NOT A CHOICE
•ANXIETY IS NOT “CUTE”
•EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT A BODY TYPE
Dollhouse episode by episode → HauntedLoneliness leads to nothing good, only detachment. And sometimes the people who most need to reach out are the people least capable of it.
Favorite Doctor Who episodes: the Fifth Doctor → Castrovalva
That’s the trouble with regeneration. You never quite know what you’re going to get.
For me, it’s all still coming back to that moment in The Rings of Akhaten.
That episode was full of the overwhelmingly beautiful, but in a really messed up way. The singing, the idea of sentiment as currency, the offerings to the Old God, they were all so beautiful but also really exploitative and uncomfortable to think about. Out-of-universe, the biggest complaint was that the climax was overdone.
It was here that Clara revealed herself. On first watch, her speech to the Old God seemed like something she’d kept inside for a long time. In hindsight, Clara speaking so freely about her internal life is nothing short of a revelation. A beautiful and powerful revelation about how there’s an awful lot of that, but an infinity of the other.
But what made that speech so powerful was the hint of addictive danger in it. To destroy the Old God, Clara offered it a glimpse at the side of herself she never admits to. Her mother died, and she coped with it by writing it into a story that makes her special, sets her apart, makes her more powerful. That’s what she used to make it make sense.
She doesn’t make a sacrifice to the Old God, she turns to it for validation. Like the Doctor’s speech and the entire Akhaten ritual, this consumption of sentiment is, to some extent, gratuitous and addictive.
Clara built her identity on a tragedy, and there must have been times when she felt guilty about enjoying being that person, and it’s even more confusing now as she looks for validation and identity and pride in the Doctor’s tragedy-littered life. No wonder she lies to Danny and the Doctor. No wonder she lies to herself.